How do learn anything about the world without asking questions? Who, what, when, where, how and why are the basic forms. All of them purpose built to receive a certain type of info in return. I’ve noticed something different about one of them, the question (Why).
(Why) has a superpower that none of the others have. It often hides a complaint. If you try to use any of the others the same way, it doesn’t work. Most people don’t even realize they are using this power when saying the word. It is my hope that this post will change that.
Let’s see some examples, “Why are you wearing those skinny jeans?”, “Why are you coming home so late?” or “Why do you have to be like that?”. When I am honest, I notice that the word (Why) is almost never used in the spirit of general inquiry. It masks something negative inside.
More often it is used to signal MY lack of acceptance of a situation, or to cast judgement on another, or show disapproval of someone or something. Where the other forms of questioning can be used rhetorically, ie without expecting an answer, (Why) is almost always used that way.
What can we do? We can notice when using (Why) when dealing with others, and realize what WE are conveying by using the word. Do we want to signal to people we don’t approve of them or their choices? Do we want to be a person who doesn’t accept things as they are?
Awareness is key in making useful changes. Often we are the last ones to know when something has spoiled our mood. If I find myself using (why, why why?) a lot, this can act as a useful signal to check MY mental or spiritual condition and make some changes.
What good is all this stuff if I can’t remember it when I need it? Glad you asked! A helpful mnemonic, or remembering aid, is to repeat to oneself - (Why is the complaining question) when you catch yourself misusing the word. Works wonders for me, and I hope it works for you too!
Listening is an important skill. I’ve noticed a subtle shift in the way people speak now. Up until 5 minutes ago, most people talked like this : “I think X” and a person would respond “Well I think Y”. Now people have replaced the word “think” with the word “feel”.
So now people are talking like this “Well, I feel like we are going in the wrong direction”, Oh yeah, “I feel the same way” This is a subtle but profound change in the way people are now communicating. This change is more evident in younger age groups.
Not sure exactly how or when this happened. But, the consequences to the collective/social mind will be profound. We are subtly cueing that “feeling” is the default action over “thinking” every time we speak.
Has anyone else noticed the reduction in debate, critical thinking and general sense-making of certain demographics? I don’t think this is a coincidence. I believe this is the logical result of prioritizing emotion over intellect in schools, ...
1- Accepting one's life as it is.
2- Being grateful for one's past experiences.
3- Understanding it could not have been otherwise.
4- Being at peace with all of it.
I wonder how many projects have been delayed temporarily or permanently by people not knowing where to begin? Do I wade carefully into the shallow end or dive head-first into the deep end of a topic? Do I start at the chronological beginning or in present times? Most importantly, will people even care to know or will they not even give a damn?
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” – Bertrand Russell
